How To Cook Like A Raccoon

Raccoon in garbage canIf you taste something bad, you want someone else to try it. It’s what you do … especially when you’re a dumpster-diving raccoon. Find out how these garbage connoisseurs turn trash into gourmet treasure in Raccookin’, then learn how to make these dishes yourselves (the human way, that is).


Pepperoni Garbage Bread

Want to make the human version instead? Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients:

1 (13.8-ounce) package refrigerated pizza crust
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
1 cup pepperoni slices (about 32 slices)
1 (12-ounce) jar roasted red peppers, drained and lightly patted dry, then cut into thin strips
1 cup fresh spinach
Garlic powder for sprinkling
Cooking spray

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a baking sheet with cooking spray.
  2. Unroll pizza dough onto baking sheet. Sprinkle cheese evenly over dough. Layer with pepperoni, red peppers, and spinach. Sprinkle with garlic powder. Roll dough up jelly roll-style and fold ends under to close. Lightly spray with cooking spray.
  3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes, or until golden. Let cool 5 minutes, slice and serve.

Chicken Alfredo Bake

Want to make the human version instead? Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients:

4 tbsp. butter, plus more for greasing baking dish
2 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 tsp. Italian seasoning
kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
2 garlic cloves, minced
4 tbsp. flour
3 c. half-and-half
1/2 c. finely grated Parmesan
12 oz. cooked penne pasta
1 c. shredded mozzarella
1/4 c. chopped parsley

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter a large casserole dish and set aside.
  2. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Season both sides of chicken breasts with Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper to taste. Add to pan and cook until the chicken is cooked through, about 4 to 5 minutes per side. Remove chicken and wipe the skillet clean. Let the chicken rest for 5 minutes before slicing crosswise.
  3. Return the skillet to the stove over medium heat. Add butter and garlic and sauté until butter is melted and garlic is fragrant, about 30 seconds. Whisk the flour into the butter and garlic and cook until the mixture is bubbling and golden, 1 minute more. Gradually pour in the half-and-half, whisking constantly. Bring mixture to a simmer and stir in Parmesan. Let simmer until the sauce thickens, about 2 to 3 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
  4. In a large bowl, combine cooked pasta, chicken, and alfredo sauce. Spread about half of the pasta mixture on the bottom of the casserole dish then sprinkle with half of the mozzarella. Add the remaining pasta mixture and top with more mozzarella. Bake until bubbly and beginning to brown on top, about 20 minutes. Garnish with parsley and serve immediately.

Pumpkin Pie

Want to make the human version instead? Here’s the recipe:

Makes 1 9-inch pie

Ingredients:

1 9-inch unbaked pie crust
1 15-ounce can pumpkin puree (about 2 cups)
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves or all-spice
3/4 cup whole milk
3/4 cup heavy cream
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions: 

  1. Preheat oven to 425°F with a rack in the lower-middle position. Roll out the pie crust and transfer it to a 9-inch pie pan. Crimp the edges. Chill for 30 minutes while the oven heats.
  2. Line the pie crust with parchment or aluminum foil and fill with pie weights (or dried beans). Bake until the edges just start to brown, 12 to 15 minutes. Remove the weights and lining, and bake for another 5 minutes. Remove from the oven and keep near the stove.
  3. While the crust is baking, prepare the filling. Combine the pumpkin puree, granulated sugar, brown sugar, salt, and spices in the bowl of a food processor or blender. Blend continuously until the brown sugar is completely mixed in and the puree looks glossy.
  4. Transfer the puree to a saucepan and set over medium-high heat. Stir frequently until you see wisps of steam rising from the puree, then stir continuously until the mixture is very steamy and “plops” when you pause for a second. The mixture will also start to smell like spices and cooked pumpkin. (Total stove time will be about 5 minutes.)
  5. Off the heat, whisk the milk and cream into the pumpkin puree. To warm the eggs and ensure that they don’t cook when you add them to the pumpkin mixture, whisk them together in a separate bowl, then whisk in a few spoonfuls of the warm pumpkin mixture. Slowly whisk the eggs into the saucepan with the pumpkin mixture. Whisk in the vanilla.
  6. Place the partially-baked pie crust on a parchment-lined baking sheet and set it near the stove. Carefully pour the warm pumpkin mixture into the warm pie crust. If it looks like there’s too much filling for the crust, stop when you come close to the edge of the crust.
  7. Carefully transfer the baking sheet with the pie to the oven and immediately turn down the heat to 375°F. Bake for 50 to 60 minutes — until the pie is puffed in the middle, but still jiggles when you gently shake the pan. You’ll also see small cracks form in the outer part of the pie and some bubbling around the edge. Check the pie every 15 minutes or so and cover the crust with a ring of foil when it becomes deep brown.
  8. Let the pie cool before serving — it will continue to set as it cools. This pie can be baked a day or two ahead; wrap tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Find more great (non-garbage) recipes in our Food section, and stay tuned to GEICO More to find the latest hilarious GEICO commercials and behind the scenes videos.

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  1. Jackie Lawhorn says

    The raccoons eating the garbage is about the funniest commercial I’ve seen in awhile. When I am a bit blue I pop on the commercial and in a second I am laughing. Thanks!